A long spring and one LONG paragraph

I must get better at updating. I love reading other blogs and I suck at writing in my journal but I just need a place to disperse my thoughts. Most of you probably won’t take the time to read the following post and I don’t blame you. But I just have to get it out and I realized cutting and pasting half my thoughts would be lame so this post is long. Since February … well … I guess some big events have occurred. I graduated. Yes … I got my Associates Degree from LDS Business College in Interior Design. Graduation and my big portfolio event came and went so fast it was bittersweet and almost anticlimactic. Real life I thought was about to set in … but really it’s just confusing, slow and yet still very overwhelming. Let me explain the portfolio event. On April 8^th I competed against 40 or so of my fellow classmates in a competition where we showcased our finest work. Everything we went to school for over the past 18 months came down to this final event. Each student received an area that was 60” x 40”. We set up on Wednesday night and let me just say it was a family affair. All hands were on deck that night, husbands, moms, dads, boyfriends, etc. I wanted to make a reality show about the big event set up. Display booths were created of all size and caliber to see. All two years came down to this moment as it seemed and at this event we displayed our work for judges, classmates, students, friends and family. I worked hard on my display. I wanted to put forth my best effort and be proud of myself but I wasn’t concerned about winning. It would be nice of course … but why put that sort of pressure on myself when I was surrounded with such amazing talent at school? So I did what I did … and the big day came. As I am sitting in my bed typing this I still am not sure how that came and went, what a whirlwind. I am now sitting outside on the deck because I realized I couldn’t waste such a beautiful day inside. Okay ... so I convinced myself repeatedly before the big event that I wasn’t going to win (again, I was totally okay with this, I was just happy to be done) and I had a coveted internship secured so I just kept reminding myself that my talents would be shown in other ways. I still believe this is the case but on the big night my name was announced as taking 2^nd place in the Residential Category. I was absolutely shocked and thrilled at the same time. There were two categories, commercial and residential where you could win 1^st, 2^nd or 3^rd. I was so surprised in that moment it’s a little hard to remember but I do recall walking up to receive my award. I had a bouquet of flowers already in hand from my in-laws which I should have handed off but again, in the moment you just don’t really think. Before I knew it I was back surrounded by my family and was trying to hold the tears back. I remember looking at my mother and she started to cry but she says I started to cry. Again, crazy moments do weird things to you. Ryan’s parents, sister and my niece were there for support. They barely made the big winning announcement. They drove all the way out from Roosevelt (2.5 hours) prior to the event and Ryan’s mom had to be in a wheelchair from an ankle injury the day before. She called the night before and said she wasn’t sure if she was going to make it. I told Ryan I didn’t want to guilt trip her into being there but I really wanted her there. Honestly, this day ranked up there in importance with graduation, my wedding, etc. It was a big, BIG deal to me even though I thought I would walk out of there without winning, I still wanted the support of my family and friends. My grandparents who hardly EVER get out came with my aunt and cousin Alicia to the event. They are nearing their 90’s and live an hour away. I was thrilled they came and everyone was surprised. Natalie and Garrett, Curtis and my friend Megan also attended. Curtis asked me “Christi, you are really talented. Why don’t you ever talk about this?” To my reply … “would you even really understand or care if I did?” I guess I never really want to bore anyone with the details. Garrett and Natalie understood pretty well. Garrett was my lifesaver and helped me put together my portfolio book. I lined up a graphic designer who bailed at the last second and Garrett took on the task although he was underpaid but NOT under appreciated. I truly couldn’t have done it without him and his graphic design expertise. It was fun to spend some time with him and Natalie during my major time of stress. It made life a little more enjoyable during that time. My parents, Richard and Spencer were also at the event and of course my husband Ryan. To be honest I couldn’t have completed the school program without a lot of people in my life. As a lot of you know Ryan and I have been living at my parent’s house since July 2008. A lot longer than expected but life has decided to take a different course for us for a while. For 18 months my mother lived with a kitchen and dining room in a state of complete chaos. Books, t-squares, fabric, glue guns, foam core, markers, etc. scattered to and fro. Seriously … this interior design program took up a lot of space, not to mention time and money. My mom was so gracious to let me constantly have my stuff out and she finally said “take one room!” And so I did. I spread out all over the dining room and sometimes I still spread into the kitchen. I needed this area to do everything at any and all hours of the day. My mom and Ryan share the award for most valuable players. Ryan spent a lot of time cutting foam core for me. I had to mount and wrap fabrics around it and he was amazing at cutting it. He says he hated every minute of it but I’ve tried to tell him that it would have been impossible for me to finish the program without him. He also had to help me when it came to drawing in 3D. Perspective drawing was NOT my talent and another reason I didn’t think I would place in the portfolio competition. There were girls in the program that could draw so well! I was and still am so jealous of their talent. Seriously … amazing they all are. Ryan definitely had to teach me and help me understand the principles behind perspective drawing. He also would give me his opinion when I needed it on fabric selection or placement of items on my colorboards. Although he made it clear most of the time he didn’t care. I give him lot of credit for it, thank you Ryan. I truly appreciate all your love and support. My mom also helped me with a lot of fabric selection, picking out tile and paint colors, etc. I would say “Mom, let’s play interior designer” and we would sit down and discuss the possibilities of my project. Without these two I seriously don’t know how I would have survived the program. Most people think “interior design huh? Picking out paint colors, fluffing pillows, right?” WRONG. Seriously I only went to school for two years and most programs are four years. I don’t know how those girls do it. If it was my first degree I think I could survive four years but two years was good enough for me. This program was intense and is known at the business college to be pretty time consuming. We spend a lot of time on the 7^th and 8^th floor at the college. That is just putting it lightly. My days at school sometimes never ended. I was up until 3 am multiple nights. I even gave up facebook because it was taking too much time out of my day. I’m a social butterfly so I blame myself mostly for that. But I did make sure I made sure I gave myself time for the gym. I didn’t really workout the first year of the program and that was a big mistake. It was good for me to go on hikes with Layla and go running or go to my lifting classes when things got so busy. I needed that time to distress and breathe again. There were also a few friends at school in the program that I couldn’t have done it without as well. Adrienne, Lori and Jenna “adopted” me into their circle of friends at the end of the school year in 2009. They were the best group of friends I could have ever asked for at the business college. Considering I went back to school at the age of 26 you would think I would be the older one in the program but our graduating class on 2010 was quite unique. A few of us had returned to school with degrees from BYU. Others had started different programs before graduating, some were moms, some were the same age as my mom and some were young and 18. We had a few boys in the program and one became a good friend of mine. The 3 girls were exactly the kind of friends l needed going through the program. We tried to do things outside of school as well to get away from the grind. One of the activities consisted of ice skating for my first time. Other times we went to dinner and celebrated birthdays. They weren’t the only friends at school though that were and still are special. There were a few others. I hope you know who you are! Thanks to all of those that made the dream of a degree in Interior Design possible! Ryan’s family also probably hated me during school. I could never come out for a weekend visit without hauling at my supplies. But I did what I had to do and it was no easy task. So needless to say the night I placed at the competition was amazing. After the event we went out to dinner at Arella’s in Bountiful, one of my new favorite places to eat. That night I came home and the next day repeatedly asked my mom and Ryan, “did that just really happen?” I really couldn’t comprehend it. I still don’t think I can. So I think that’s what brings me to today. In a funk. I thought I would snap out of it by now. How can I possibly be in a funk after all the greatness I just experienced? Graduation was on April 15^th and it was pretty special as well but after the ceremony it was all done. Over, done, nothing. Empty would be the word I am feeling. Confused on where to go next. Curious for the future. I’ve been feeling a lot of feelings for the past 4 weeks. Trying to sort them all out in my head and none of them really making any sense. So I’m really not sure where that leads me but it has got to change. I don’t like going from such a high to such a weird complacency. Spring has taken awhile to arrive here in Salt Lake and that might be part of the problem. I also got sick with some weird strep throat/weird mouth thing that took two weeks out of me. I don’t know if getting sick has contributed to the funk that I’m in but I am committed to getting out of it. I have a great internship that I need to take full advantage of and just live life in the moment and not worry about the next steps. I need to make a list of all the things I’ve been wanting to do and just go do it. If you know my situation you realize money is tight so that will be a little problem but I am going to do my best to push through whatever I am feeling and just live. I am a planner and I realize that in my current situation I just have to forget the future and live in the present. This summer hosts a few big events for me. Its 2010 which means it has officially been 10 years since I graduated high school. I really don’t know where the time has gone at all! Seriously … ten years. Really? Okay … well since I moved from WA to CO when I was 16 a lot of the people who I still consider my good friends still live in Washington. I have decided with some asking of friends that I should do my best to attend the Inglemoor High school Class of 2010 reunion on July 31^st. I am not sure if this will happen for sure but I would really like to go. I would also like to attend Air Academy’s reunion sometime in August. Ryan and I plan on going to Lake Powell with some friends and there is a whole host of other things I would like to do which I will write about in my next entry. For the time being though … it’s all about living in the now. Trying to enjoy every day to the fullest. Ryan and I went running on Saturday with Layla. It was awesome. The weather was perfect and it was just great to be out in the sun. I hope to run more but I will have to work on getting up earlier before it gets too hot. Things might not be going exactly how I have planned but I am going to do my best again to just love what I have going on right now and just be happy and content.

We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time. ~Art Buchwald

No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today. ~Brendan Francis

Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace. ~Author Unknown

Opportunities fly by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone. ~Jerome K. Jerome, The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, 1889

The living moment is everything. ~D.H. Lawrence

Me in front of my "area" at the portfolio event

Me, Jenna, Adrienne and Lori - miss you girls!

Graduation Day! April 15, 2010!